I'm eating leftover apple pie from Christmas for dinner. Yes, an unhealthy choice, but I really don't have any desire to go outside in the cold to get to-go food for dinner. I'm greatly enjoying the evenings at home this week - it makes a big difference just to be able to come home after work, and not have a mile long to do list or tutoring. Instead, I've just been reading, reading, reading. Oh to be a hermit! (Actually a consideration of mine after reading a book about the hermit life, something about "dead birds" - I'll have to look up the real title, because it was fascinating.)

Although I can't actually be a hermit, being a teacher and all, I have fallen into what I would consider deeply melancholy reflection. Not depression, but just the effects of navel-gazing on a choleric personality. It really was inevitable, I've been expecting it. I do usually feel like this at New Year's - partly because I get depressed after Christmas! But mostly I just hate to have to look over all the wonderful things that have happened and let them go. Obviously, this is not a problem I should be complaining about (and I'm not, really) when there are so many people who have had absolutely nothing good to let go of. Still, I must accept these feelings and perhaps allow myself to wallow for a day or two and get it out of my system. Forgive me!

I'll probably give you a little bit more in-depth look into my ramblings tomorrow. Tonight is simply the precursor. I still have one more day to live of 2004, and I don't want to miss #365 when #1-#364 have been so great. So, as not to ruin things, I'll postpone my year-end summary till tomorrow, when the year is actually over.

One little note from today: for a variety of reasons I was on my own for lunch today. I thought about just getting something to go and working through lunch- but I thought, Carpe Diem, live 2004 while it lasts, right? So I went to that perfect little Italian place, just myself and my book. And I was right, it is one of those wonderful restaurants where you can go by yourself and not feel like you're on display for pity. So I have a lovely lunch to myself, I even stayed almost an hour. Then I was trying to decide what to do: buy a worship cd at the Christian bookstore, or look for a new pair of grey cords. Toss up. I went to the Export clothing shop to look for cords, but there were none. They were, however, playing a British modern worship cd. Odd, very odd. I don't think they knew what it was. However, I didn't want to leave the store -it was great, although I'm still trying to put my finger on which band it is, I think I have the cd, and I'm sure I've seen it done live, I've been racking my brain all day. Anyway, that was enough to motivate me to leave the clothing store and make my way over to the bookstore, where I actually found a cd I've been looking for for a few years: The latest worship cd from the Church of Christ the King in Brighton (which I visited earlier this year) and whose worship is a mainstay from past year's Worship Together - mostly Stuart Townsend, Paul Oakley and Lou Fellingham. Anyway, it has 3 songs I've loved singing and never found on cd, so I'm a happy camper. You'll love it Kathy. So I'm singing to keep myself from going from melancholy to depressed:

"One thing I will ask of You, this will I pray:
To dwell in Your house, O Lord, every day
To gaze upon Your lovely face
And rest in the Father's embrace."
(You are My Anchor)